Saturday, January 31, 2009

In My Husband’s World

I sometimes wonder about the inner workings of a man’s mind. I picture monkeys banging on rocks or a lazy hamster only half-trying to keep his squeaky wheel moving. Sometimes, I imagine Homer Simpson scratching himself.

I’d like to believe that my husband is more evolved than these clichéd images. That, somehow, I’ve married better than that.

However, I have to admit that sometimes his brain just works differently than mine. He’s funny (both ha-ha funny and weird funny). So, in writing my acknowledgements, I decided to conquer that brain of his, to climb inside for just a moment or two, and take a stab at what they might have looked like if he’d been allowed to write them for me.

I think this is what my editor might have opened:

This book is dedicated to my beautiful and brilliant husband, if it weren’t for him I would probably be waiting tables in a diner in Nowhere, USA. I owe everything I am and ever will be to him. I bow down to him, for he is not only all knowing but is my personal gift from God. He is the wind beneath my wings!

(*cue sappy music*)

Note: Some other people helped me figure out the technical aspects related to search and rescue, and the cooperation that occurs between Police and Fire.


By the way, not even close.

Sorry, Josh!


Tam said...

This is too funny! You forgot the part about how you and Connor would still be living in the Projects in Tacoma.

Kimberly Derting said...

JD, yours was actually a little less "all-hail-Josh", but it definitely inspired me to wonder what you were holding back. I think you may have even liked a little "co-author" credit. Am I right???

And, Tam: Connor would *love* it if we lived in the projects! It might jump-start his "rap career". Living on the mean street of suburbia doesn't do much for his street-cred!

PurpleClover said...

Oh my this is funny!

By the way, I'm picturing an MRI being taken of a man's brain with a sign hanging from a hampster wheel stating: Out to back later! (did I mention the cobwebs connecting the sign to the hamster wheel??)

sigh. if only I could illustrate.

Little Ms J said...

Funny stuff! I laughed out loud!

Your husband and my husband should never ever meet. Mine walks around singing, "It is so nice to own a little person." He has another song dedicated to my right boob. I have to say he is my biggest fan and supporter and he keeps me very *very* entertained.

PJ Hoover said...

Funny! It would have almost been worth it to print up a mock version with this in it!

Kimberly Derting said...

PurpleClover - I like the MRI concept, with the cobwebs. And maybe some crickets chirping in the background.

Little Ms J - I have to say that as much as I make fun of him, he *is* so freaking supportive that it overwhelms me sometimes! But, yeah, boys will be boys (especially when it comes to boobs!).

PJ - Wouldn't that have been funny to slip him a copy with that in it?

Leigh said...

We all have the delusion that we have married better than our less-wise peers - I'm in that club too!

[word verification: frith - when your local barista can't work the cappuccino maker, this is what you get on top of your coffee...]

Kimberly Derting said...

Yeah, Leigh, but a girl can dream, can't she???