Friday, July 9, 2010

ANOTHER GUEST POST (and a chance to win FIRELIGHT!)

When I was deciding on guest post-ers, one of the people who first came to mind was Jeanette Schneider (or as you may know her around the blog-o-sphere: Little Ms. J). She's the say-it-like-it-is writer who doesn't candy coat anything. ANY. THING.

And that's what I love most about her.

CASE IN POINT,this is the first line in one of her recent blog posts:

"My grandma can kick your grandma's ass."

Tell me you don't want to read the rest of the entry after an opening line like that!

She also writes heart-breaking, soul-bearing posts on her journey to becoming a mother. She can make me laugh and cry in the same thirty-second span. Now that's talent.

So, here she is, Little Ms. J:

When Kim first asked me to guest blog I jumped at the chance. After all, she is a published author and could be good for my career. I tried to think of things that would befit a YA readership. I do believe Kim’s exact words were, “Let’s *try* to keep it PG-13, lady.”

I laughed as I thought of this over the weekend. My dad sat at my favorite Mexican restaurant on Davis Island with me and my teenage co-conspirator, Rhena. We looked different, we sounded different, but as we started talking all the old memories came back. There was the time we were mistaken for prostitutes as we walked down a road in sun dresses, the time we sat in a hot tub with some fighter pilots until we pruned, the time we called my dad, a minister, and giggled into the phone, “So, how do we feel about oral sex? Godly? Deadly?”

After dad choked on whatever he was eating at that time and again over the weekend, I realized that trying too hard to be “teen-friendly” was not going to work well for me. Rhena leaned over and looked at my father, “You were the only adult we could ever go to and ask real questions. My parents would’ve grounded me.” She recounted her daughter’s recent curiosity after her first day of 7th grade, “Mom, we need to talk. What is this blow job thing I keep hearing about? Thank God she thought it was absolutely disgusting.”

Dad looked as if he needed another drink.

We giggled, reminisced and as the night wore down I hugged my friend, promising to come home more often.

I thought of the blog again today and it may or may not have been at Kim’s urging. I wondered what I would write about. I hobbled to my bed and tried to squish a pillow between my knees in the exact right way it would keep my back from spasm. Between a car accident and infertility I’ve realized that I’m just about ready to start using a S-M-T-W-T-F-S pill box to get organized. I only need a glass to put my teeth in to finish the picture that I never wanted to create. I stared at a table full of pill bottles and thought of how far I’d come from the days when Rhena and I were getting into trouble, making my dad shake his head, making boys crazy. At first I thought I was so far from those girls that read YA; those girls giggling in the Hollister stores, those girls picking Team Edward, Team Jacob, Team Jay.

But, I’m not.

Next to my pill bottles, next to it all sit the books that fill my head with all the things that sew me up, set me still, make me full of life and story. I may look a little different. I may have creams for the lines around my eyes, I may be able to afford a beautiful pair of shoes that I couldn’t when I was sixteen. I may choose vampires over Claudia, Stacey and the rest of the babysitters of my past. I may read Chelsea only because my dad will never find out.

But, when a girl, any girl, puts her nose between the pages of a book the rest fades away.

And, that in itself is better than Vicodin.

Author’s Note - THE BODY FINDER is only missing from the picture because it was loaned to my BFF, Amie, who has been threatened with dismemberment if she damages it before Kim gets to sign it in person.


(I like how somehow "keep it clean" translated into "you should totally talk about BJs!" LOL!)

AWESOME POST, LMJ!!!! I'm so glad you joined us!!!

And don't forget, this is another (your third!) opportunity to try to win the super-awesome prize giveaway…yes, the one that includes an ARC of Sophie Jordan's FIRELIGHT. All you have to do is leave a comment!

91 comments:

FireandIce said...

Fun blog and wowza that is a lot of pill bottles o,0 Hope goes out to you for healing soon! I'd love Firelight :)

Kate said...

Great post, kept me laughing! I am def. going to check out her blog!

-Kate
sithereandread (at) gmail (dot) com

Cass said...

Wow, that's a lot of drugs!

Thanks for yet another great post! :) And yes, I'd love to win Firelight.

Catie S (Book Bound) said...

Sounds like an awesome Dad to me.
Books do make life a bit easier. I love escaping into their worlds.

Maidenveil said...

Better than vicodin indeed! Fun post! :D

Jamie said...

Great post!...thanks for the laugh!

Lisa and Laura said...

We already have FIRELIGHT, so don't enter us in the contest, but holy CRAP this is a great post. Of course PG-13 LMJ style includes blow jobs. Hilarious.

And she's right, books are totally better than botox (um, and BJs, but that goes without saying...)

Love you girls! Can you believe we've never actually met in person? Can you imagine when we actually do!?!? It's going to be INSANE. XOXO

Mariah said...

What a fun post!

a_readers_adventure(at)yahoo(dot)com

Elie said...

I love starting the day with a good laugh. Great post!

I am excited to read Firelight!

Loretta Nyhan said...

Awesome post! So true!

lostinbelieving said...

Haha this post was pretty hysterical ! You're a pretty awesome person. And yeah, everything does fade away when you start reading. Great guest post!

~Alison
lostinbelieving(at)yahoo(dot)com

Meg said...

Devoted follower of Little Ms. J! Love her blog : )

Llehn said...

Oh, you just gave me a great start to the day with your hilarious post!

lesly7ch(at)yahoo(dot)com

Lena said...

OMG! LOL. I love this post! Wow, amazing. Must follow Little Ms. J.

addicted2novels(at)gmail(dot)com

GBU Book Reviews said...

Haha this was hilarious and so so true. I would absolutely love to read something you wrote because I love emotional roller coaster rides. Great post!

Anne said...

This so funny!
Hope reading works for you!

Little Ms J said...

I should have tried to slip the word "fornication" in there somewhere! Thanks for all the great comments and yes, LiLa, there will be destruction in our path when we all meet. I'm so throwing back drinks with The Regulator too....

Thanks, Kim!

Trini said...

I'm so glad this is the first post I've read today. It put me in a good mood. Can't wait to read Firelight!

Trini @ A Book Lovers Review
abookloversreview@gmail.com

kimscarecrow said...

This was a great post.

henderkd(at)email(dot)sc(dot)edu

Amber Skye said...

What a hilarious post! Thanks for posting :)

readingaddict63@aol.com
Reading Addict

Victoria said...

Excellent post. Very funny.

misha1989 said...

great post! Please enter me if the contest is international

Thanks,
misha
mishamary@gmail.com

Adriana said...

Really great post. Little Ms. J sounds really awesome and I love how she writes. I'm off to check out her blog.

Max said...

Great interview i'm definately checking out the blog firelight i heard so much about it thanks for giveaway enter me as international please:d

ferretvamp14 said...

Loved the post! Thanks for the contest!

I'm a nurse, and even I think that is a lot of prescriptions!

bookaholic said...

She sounds amazing! I love her threat of dismemberment. I do that when I lend out my books too! Lol :)

I want Firelight!

throuthehaze said...

Great post!
throuthehaze at gmail dot com

Mariana said...

I don't know if this contest is open internationally, but I have to say: It's a awesome post!!!

I loved the post, very funny!

maryflorido(at)hotmail(dot)com

;)

brandileigh2003 said...

too funny!
brandileigh2003@yahoo.com

Kelsey Sutton said...

I am leaving a comment. See? Here it is. This is a witty comment. :P Thanks for the giveaway, Kim.

Malbebe said...

Great post it was funny!

Mallory (The Teen Bibliophile)

cupidgurl411(at)aol(dot)com

piratewife said...

Very, very excited for Firelight.

Kailia Sage said...

Great post! I thought it was funny!

dramaqueen55 said...

This was hilarious. Couldn't stop laughing

BrittLit said...

(I like how somehow "keep it clean" translated into "you should totally talk about BJs!" LOL!) This post was hilarious! Thanks for coming and sharing with us!

Anonymous said...

I also scroll through post before I read them and the minute I saw 'Oral Sex' I was like WHAT!? I fell of my chair and got weird looks from my roomates = awesome! Would love FIRELIGHT, shifters and dragons OH MY!

~Icenek0

Jessy said...

Your grandma is so cute. No way does she look like she's 91. She sounds like she's a very lively woman.

Maggie said...

Bahahahha, this post made me laugh very hard. Very. Hard.

I love this: "My parents would have grounded me." as an excuse not to say it to her parents. :P

Also, she talked about how she THOUGHT about keeping it clean, so technically.... :D

Cherry said...

Oh, your poor poor dad! and... you don't just put your teeth in a glass! You get yourself a denture pot and put one of those sizzly tablets to keep things fresh :)

Cherry Mischievous
mischivus101-warrior [at] yahoo [dot] com

Cara said...

I must follow her blog!! This was an amazing guest post, and I can't wait to read the rest!

-Cara
carabee14@gmail.com

Onge said...

Great post!! Too funny! I love getting lost in books. I'd love to win Firelight!
chickenherder@hotmail.com

Jenny N. said...

This was a fun post :)

Christina Lee said...

Oh yeah, I lurve me some Little Ms. J (and some dreamy Jay too-sigh). Thx for having her Kim and glad to make it over here two times this week! ;-)

Emma Kate "Coops" @ Whats Cracking Coops said...

HAHAHAHAHAAH - Awesome post!!!! Totally agree. Which is why I adore my happy endings because there are enough disasters in real life - I don't want characters I "escape" to being left hanging in the balance, too! And good on you for threatening bodily harm over the Body Finder ;) Tehehehehe.

Cheers!
Emma :)

Katie said...

Oh how I love me some Ms. J! I'm sorry I'm so late to the party.

Hysterical post, as expected :)

Love all you guys

Mwah!

Kim said...

Hahah, great post, She's hilarious. I'm going to have to keep track of her actual blog now, because this post put a smile on my face.

kwfuller1090(at)gmail(dot)com

Heather said...

I never would have been brave enough to ask my parents about sex. Wow. I knew I was in trouble when I once asked a guy friend about something and even he - who had told me about every other thing I had overheard - was actually too nervous to respond. (I'll be good and not mention what my question was.)

A Rick said...

Haha this post was so hilarious!

Nicole said...

Great post! I'd love a chance to get my hands on Firelight.

buddyt said...

Great post but the picture made my wonder if it was the pill bottles talking or if she is really like that !

If the giveaway is International, please enter me.

Thanks

Carol T

buddytho {at} gmail DOT com

Jessica @ Confessions of a Bookaholic said...

So funny! I absolutely loved the post :) I'm going to go check out the blog right now.
Thanks for the chance to win the book!

totalbookaholic[at]hotmail[dot]com

Tasha said...

hahaha i love those type of things, people say keep it clean so they do the opposite. Cornelia Read (author of The Crazy School) ended her book with the F word in honor of her mom telling her to stop cussing in her books haha. anyways funny post! I dont know what Firelight is but i bet it's awesome and i'd love a new book:)The body finder was over WAY too quickly!

Christa said...

Love the pearl necklace in that image! So pretty! ; )
And your dad sounds pretty awesome. His reaction is perfectly "dad-like", lol.

Thanks for the chance to win Firelight.
ambience.of.rain {at} gmail.com

Kaya said...

Wow- what a lot of drugs 0.0

k_anon@hotmail.co.uk

Beverly said...

Amazing post - thanks for sharing with us. It's interesting to hear others talk about the differences between who we were, who we are, who we wanted to be, and what we thought would be going on. It is great to realize too that I am not the only one who loses it all into the pages of great stories by wonderful people. Thanks for hosting the contest - please enter me. bevsharp@desch.org

Anonymous said...

Too funny! Is that a shoe amongst the wow-of-drugs? LOL!!

Tina G

tina_gagnier@yahoo.com

Sharli said...

I loved the post! It's always fun to get together with a friends and remember all the crazy things you have done. I'm just starting college but I know that a lot of things I've done recently with my friends will always make me laugh :D

entrelibros_blog at hotmail.com

Kristin said...

LOL...That was too awesome for words. Can we please be friends?

-Kristin
Cuddlz811@hotmail.com

Erika Lynn said...

fun guest post, you def made me laugh!

Jada said...

I can't wait until firelight comes out!

My little world of books said...

Wow, that's a lot of drugs! (2)

great post =DDD

juanvillagrana said...

This post will definitely go down on the day-makers list. It's funny, completely random, and somewhat nostalgic; reading it reminded me of the great times that I've had in my so-far life. Great post:)

Cindy said...

What a great post! I was cracking up the entire time!

donnas said...

Awesome post!! Thanks for sharing it.

Vivien said...

Awesome! Thank you again. Your information is valuable.

Sweet Lady Jess said...

My favorite line from the post: "But, when a girl, any girl, puts her nose between the pages of a book the rest fades away."

This applies to so many things. It can apply to the shy little girl in the corner (me), or the one facing problems in their lives. Thank you for this post!

-Jessica T.

jessicatapia_afuel07(at)hotmail(dot)com

Hannah S said...

I was literally laughing the whole time!
Love, Hannah

EVA SB said...

Wow your Dad is a real hero!
Such a funny post!

eva.s.black[@]gmail[.]com

jpetroroy said...

Great post. Firelight sounds great!

jpetroroy at gmail dot com

Liz. R said...

I accidentally spat out the water I was drinking because I was laughing so hard :P.

Plus, obviously: books > life :D. Books make everything better, in my opinon.

Samanthajo_322 said...

Oh My God. Too funny, I about died reading this. Seriously.

Sam

sslager@live.com

Windowpane Memoirs said...

Fun post ;) But that is a lot of medicines ;(

Lynsey Newton said...

This has to be one of my favourite guest posts ever - very funny!

Tere Kirkland said...

Thanks for the laugh, Little Miss J. You were trying to make us laugh, right? ;)

Great post!

kermit4110 said...

Thanks for the laugh!
I would be so embarrassed to tell my dad I was mistaken for a prostitute, and he isn't even a minister!

Shanise said...

When I saw the "my grandma can kick your grandma's ass" that was enough to keep me reading.
Funny.

camisadomind (at) yahoo (dot) com

ally said...

HAHAHAH xD! Awesome post!!! And yes, one only needs to get the nose in between pages and the rest is history :)!

Nalazul said...

Great Post, and yes i think reading a book is better than Vicodin.

A Simple Love of Reading said...

Terrific post! Reading a book is an escape from every day life for me. I can only hear the voices on the pages and feel the emotions of the characters I am reading, the rest: my 4 y/o son yelling "Mommy! Why is the computer not workin'?" and my 14 month old son just randomly screaming...that all fades away as I escape into the world an author has created.

rachelpatrick93 said...

All I can do with this post is laugh, laugh, laugh. (In a good way.)

(:

Sandy said...

This almost made me cry -sniffles- this post was very funny and heartfelt, I definitely want to read more or your writing ^_^.

Anne said...

I am loving these posts...lol and holy crap that is a lot of drugs!
Cant wait for Firelight! and Desires of the Dead wink wink

Stella (Ex Libris) said...

Haha, fantastic post! :-D

That story how you called up your dad a minister! and asked/talked about oral sex, had me choking on laughter! :-D

And I'm amazed that nowadays kids of 7th grade know all about BJs! The world is really changing!

Thanks for the fun post! :-D

stella.exlibris (at) gmail (dot) com

Vivien said...

Great insight. What I want to know, what are the books in the picture? I can see the top one is Prophecy of Days which I am reading right now :) It's awesome.

Christinabean said...

Love these posts! Keep 'em coming!

Christina
clderwee at gmail dot com

Cassay said...

hahah thanks for the laugh i need that!

Cassandra C
cassandra dot crouser at yahoo dot ca

Kimberly Derting said...

Vivien - If you click the picture it gets bigger so you can see the titles better, but the one that's hard to see is Chelsea Handler's book "Are you there, Vodka? It's me, Chelsea."

Cougar said...

G'day new to blogging..but enjoying myself and all that I learn.
Thanks!! from the fuzzy little wombat.

WulfLuva said...

Love the grandma line! That's lol funny!

Kimberly Derting said...

I'LL BE ANNOUNCING THE WINNER LATER TODAY... STAY TUNED!!!!!

Lora Wiedenheft said...

I want to win a copy of firelight please

Lora Wiedenheft
chaarmedone1512@aol.com