HOW ROMANTIC ARE YOU???

I have this friend who married the most romantic guy in the world. Seriously, it's like he's spent his entire life honing his mad romantic skillz. And to top it off, he's a gift-giver too.

Think about it: Romantic + Gift-giver = Wife who weeps tears of joy on nearly every holiday.

Yes, that's my friend, The Weeper.

And I get to hear about it: The push presents in honor of each of their two beautiful daughters, the diamond he had re-set into a pendant from her dead mother's ring to surprise her at her baby shower, the photobook he made of their journey together that was synchronized with "their song" so that as she turned each page, the lyrics matched up with the photos. And each time he gives her one of these truly heartfelt gifts, she cries. And each time she relieves the moment to her friends, wives glare at their husbands.

But here's the thing, my husband and I are SOOOO not that couple. I'm not even jealous of that couple. I love them, and I love that that's their schtick, but it's really not my gig. I'm just not that...gooey.

Josh and I have been married for almost 17 years, we've raised three kids, and survived natural disasters. And we've done it by laughing. And that's the thing, we laugh. A lot. We're the couple that cracks ourselves up. The ones that tease our kids ruthlessly. The ones that see the humor in almost everything.

Okay, fine, everything.

And gifts...Josh is a pretty good gift-giver: a new wedding ring for our fifth anniversary, a Tiffany's necklace for my birthday one year, cards, flowers...you get the drift. For our 15th anniversary, he took me to The Four Seasons in Seattle and had champagne chilling in our room when we got there.

I know what you're thinking: AWWWW!

And, yes, it was very sweet.

So what did I get him, you ask?

Nothing. I forgot to even get him a card. For. Our. Fifteenth. Anniversary!

But after a couple of glasses of champagne, I decided that he REALLY REALLY needed a card, so I decided to improvise. I snuck into the bathroom and locked the door, while I made him a "card" out of toilet paper and mascara. And I practically cried-laughing as I gave it to him.

That's the kind of wife I am.

So, here's the rub: For Valentine's day, we'll be on vacation with this other couple, the romantic/weepy couple, who will no doubt be drawing hearts in the sand and ordering one Pina Colada with two straws at every restaurant.

Josh and I are worried, afraid that we're about to be exposed for the non-romantics that we truly are. We picture ourselves on Valentine's Day, the four of us, as The Romantic presents his gift to The Weeper...probably a sweater that he's knit from his own tears, which he'll hand her just as the sun is setting and dolphins are frolicking in the waves...

...As Josh and I exchange souvenir surfboard keychains.